Herbert George Wells
(1866-1946)
Real Father of Science Fiction
In four years Wells published, 1) The Time Machine (1895); 2) The Island of Doctor Moreau (1896); 3) The Invisible Man (1897); and, 4) The War of the Worlds (1898). In other words, in four years he created time travel, genetic engineering, invisibility, and interplanetary invasion. Moreover, in the following fascinating story The Door in the Wall (1906) he first contemplated parallel worlds...
1) Time Paradoxes
"The New Accelerator" (a short story that originally appeared in The Strand, December 1901)
2) Time Travel
"The Time Machine" (a
short story, The National Observer, March 24, 1894)
"Time Travelling" (a
short story, The National Observer, March 17, 1894)
"The Time Traveller Returns"
(a short story, The National Observer, June 23, 1894)
"The Time Machine" (a
novel, The New Review, January 1895)
"The Time Machine" (a
novel, Heinemann 1895)
3) Parallel Worlds
"The Door in the Wall"
(a short story that originally appeared in The Daily Chronicle,
July 14, 1906)
"The Plattner Story"
(a short story that originally appeared in The New Review, April
1896)
THE DOOR IN THE WALL
Herbert George Wells
(First published in The Daily Chronicle, July 14, 1906)
I
One confidential evening, not
three months ago, Lionel Wallace told me this story of the Door in the
Wall. And at the time I thought that so far as he was concerned it was
a true story.
He told it me with such a direct
simplicity of conviction that I could not do otherwise than believe in
him. But in the morning, in my own flat, I woke to a different atmosphere,
and as I lay in bed and recalled the things he had told me, stripped of
the glamour of his earnest slow voice, denuded of the focussed shaded table
light, the shadowy atmosphere that wrapped about him and the pleasant bright
things, the dessert and glasses and napery of the dinner we had shared,
making them for the time a bright little world quite cut off from every-day
realities, I saw it all as frankly incredible. "He was mystifying!" I said,
and then: "How well he did it!. . . . It isn't quite the thing I
should have expected him, of all people, to do well."
Afterwards, as I sat up in bed
and sipped my morning tea, I found myself trying to account for the flavour
of reality that perplexed me in his impossible reminiscences, by supposing
they did in some way suggest, present, convey--I hardly know which word
to use--experiences it was otherwise impossible to tell.
Well, I don't resort to that
explanation now. I have got over my intervening doubts. I believe now,
as I believed at the moment of telling, that Wallace did to the very best
of his ability strip the truth of his secret for me. But whether he himself
saw, or only thought he saw, whether he himself was the possessor of an
inestimable privilege, or the victim of a fantastic dream, I cannot pretend
to guess. Even the facts of his death, which ended my doubts forever, throw
no light on that. That much the reader must judge for himself.
I forget now what chance comment
or criticism of mine moved so reticent a man to confide in me. He was,
I think, defending himself against an imputation of slackness and unreliability
I had made in relation to a great public movement in which he had disappointed
me. But he plunged suddenly. "I have" he said, "a preoccupation--"
"I know," he went on, after
a pause that he devoted to the study of his cigar ash, "I have been negligent.
The fact is--it isn't a case of ghosts or apparitions--but--it's an odd
thing to tell of, Redmond--I am haunted. I am haunted by something--that
rather takes the light out of things, that fills me with longings . . .
. ."
He paused, checked by that English
shyness that so often overcomes us when we would speak of moving or grave
or beautiful things. "You were at Saint Athelstan's all through," he said,
and for a moment that seemed to me quite irrelevant. "Well"--and he paused.
Then very haltingly at first, but afterwards more easily, he began to tell
of the thing that was hidden in his life, the haunting memory of a beauty
and a happiness that filled his heart with insatiable longings that made
all the interests and spectacle of worldly life seem dull and tedious and
vain to him.
Now that I have the clue to
it, the thing seems written visibly in his face. I have a photograph in
which that look of detachment has been caught and intensified. It reminds
me of what a woman once said of him--a woman who had loved him greatly.
"Suddenly," she said, "the interest goes out of him. He forgets you. He
doesn't care a rap for you--under his very nose . . . . ."
Yet the interest was not always
out of him, and when he was holding his attention to a thing Wallace could
contrive to be an extremely successful man. His career, indeed, is set
with successes. He left me behind him long ago; he soared up over my head,
and cut a figure in the world that I couldn't cut--anyhow. He was still
a year short of forty, and they say now that he would have been in office
and very probably in the new Cabinet if he had lived. At school he always
beat me without effort--as it were by nature. We were at school together
at Saint Athelstan's College in West Kensington for almost all our school
time. He came into the school as my co-equal, but he left far above me,
in a blaze of scholarships and brilliant performance. Yet I think I made
a fair average running. And it was at school I heard first of the Door
in the Wall--that I was to hear of a second time only a month before his
death.
To him at least the Door in
the Wall was a real door leading through a real wall to immortal realities.
Of that I am now quite assured.
And it came into his life early,
when he was a little fellow between five and six. I remember how, as he
sat making his confession to me with a slow gravity, he reasoned and reckoned
the date of it. "There was," he said, "a crimson Virginia creeper in it--all
one bright uniform crimson in a clear amber sunshine against a white wall.
That came into the impression somehow, though I don't clearly remember
how, and there were horse-chestnut leaves upon the clean pavement outside
the green door. They were blotched yellow and green, you know, not brown
nor dirty, so that they must have been new fallen. I take it that means
October. I look out for horse-chestnut leaves every year, and I ought to
know.
"If I'm right in that, I was
about five years and four months old."
He was, he said, rather a precocious
little boy--he learned to talk at an abnormally early age, and he was so
sane and "old-fashioned," as people say, that he was permitted an amount
of initiative that most children scarcely attain by seven or eight. His
mother died when he was born, and he was under the less vigilant and authoritative
care of a nursery governess. His father was a stern, preoccupied lawyer,
who gave him little attention, and expected great things of him. For all
his brightness he found life a little grey and dull I think. And one day
he wandered.
He could not recall the particular
neglect that enabled him to get away, nor the course he took among the
West Kensington roads. All that had faded among the incurable blurs of
memory. But the white wall and the green door stood out quite distinctly.
As his memory of that remote
childish experience ran, he did at the very first sight of that door experience
a peculiar emotion, an attraction, a desire to get to the door and open
it and walk in.
And at the same time he had
the clearest conviction that either it was unwise or it was wrong of him--he
could not tell which--to yield to this attraction. He insisted upon it
as a curious thing that he knew from the very beginning--unless memory
has played him the queerest trick--that the door was unfastened, and that
he could go in as he chose.
I seem to see the figure of
that little boy, drawn and repelled. And it was very clear in his mind,
too, though why it should be so was never explained, that his father would
be very angry if he went through that door.
Wallace described all these
moments of hesitation to me with the utmost particularity. He went right
past the door, and then, with his hands in his pockets, and making an infantile
attempt to whistle, strolled right along beyond the end of the wall. There
he recalls a number of mean, dirty shops, and particularly that of a plumber
and decorator, with a dusty disorder of earthenware pipes, sheet lead ball
taps, pattern books of wall paper, and tins of enamel. He stood pretending
to examine these things, and coveting, passionately desiring the green
door.
Then, he said, he had a gust
of emotion. He made a run for it, lest hesitation should grip him again,
he went plump with outstretched hand through the green door and let it
slam behind him. And so, in a trice, he came into the garden that has haunted
all his life.
It was very difficult for Wallace
to give me his full sense of that garden into which he came.
There was something in the very
air of it that exhilarated, that gave one a sense of lightness and good
happening and well being; there was something in the sight of it that made
all its colour clean and perfect and subtly luminous. In the instant of
coming into it one was exquisitely glad--as only in rare moments and when
one is young and joyful one can be glad in this world. And everything was
beautiful there . . . . .
Wallace mused before he went
on telling me. "You see," he said, with the doubtful inflection of a man
who pauses at incredible things, "there were two great panthers there .
. . Yes, spotted panthers. And I was not afraid. There was a long wide
path with marble-edged flower borders on either side, and these two huge
velvety beasts were playing there with a ball. One looked up and came towards
me, a little curious as it seemed. It came right up to me, rubbed its soft
round ear very gently against the small hand I held out and purred. It
was, I tell you, an enchanted garden. I know. And the size? Oh! it stretched
far and wide, this way and that. I believe there were hills far away. Heaven
knows where West Kensington had suddenly got to. And somehow it was just
like coming home.
"You know, in the very moment
the door swung to behind me, I forgot the road with its fallen chestnut
leaves, its cabs and tradesmen's carts, I forgot the sort of gravitational
pull back to the discipline and obedience of home, I forgot all hesitations
and fear, forgot discretion, forgot all the intimate realities of this
life. I became in a moment a very glad and wonder-happy little boy--in
another world. It was a world with a different quality, a warmer, more
penetrating and mellower light, with a faint clear gladness in its air,
and wisps of sun-touched cloud in the blueness of its sky. And before me
ran this long wide path, invitingly, with weedless beds on either side,
rich with untended flowers, and these two great panthers. I put my little
hands fearlessly on their soft fur, and caressed their round ears and the
sensitive corners under their ears, and played with them, and it was as
though they welcomed me home. There was a keen sense of home-coming in
my mind, and when presently a tall, fair girl appeared in the pathway and
came to meet me, smiling, and said 'Well?' to me, and lifted me, and kissed
me, and put me down, and led me by the hand, there was no amazement, but
only an impression of delightful rightness, of being reminded of happy
things that had in some strange way been overlooked. There were broad steps,
I remember, that came into view between spikes of delphinium, and up these
we went to a great avenue between very old and shady dark trees. All down
this avenue, you know, between the red chapped stems, were marble seats
of honour and statuary, and very tame and friendly white doves . . . .
.
"And along this avenue my girl-friend
led me, looking down--I recall the pleasant lines, the finely-modelled
chin of her sweet kind face--asking me questions in a soft, agreeable voice,
and telling me things, pleasant things I know, though what they were I
was never able to recall . . And presently a little Capuchin
monkey, very clean, with a fur of ruddy brown and kindly hazel eyes, came
down a tree to us and ran beside me, looking up at me and grinning, and
presently leapt to my shoulder. So we went on our way in great happiness
. . . ."
He paused.
"Go on," I said.
"I remember little things. We
passed an old man musing among laurels, I remember, and a place gay with
paroquets, and came through a broad shaded colonnade to a spacious cool
palace, full of pleasant fountains, full of beautiful things, full of the
quality and promise of heart's desire. And there were many things and many
people, some that still seem to stand out clearly and some that are a little
vague, but all these people were beautiful and kind. In some way--I don't
know how--it was conveyed to me that they all were kind to me, glad to
have me there, and filling me with gladness by their gestures, by the touch
of their hands, by the welcome and love in their eyes. Yes--"
He mused for awhile. "Playmates
I found there. That was very much to me, because I was a lonely little
boy. They played delightful games in a grass-covered court where there
was a sun-dial set about with flowers. And as one played one loved . .
. .
"But--it's odd--there's a gap
in my memory. I don't remember the games we played. I never remembered.
Afterwards, as a child, I spent long hours trying, even with tears, to
recall the form of that happiness. I wanted to play it all over again--in
my nursery --by myself. No! All I remember is the happiness and two dear
playfellows who were most with me . . . . Then presently came a sombre
dark woman, with a grave, pale face and dreamy eyes, a sombre woman wearing
a soft long robe of pale purple, who carried a book and beckoned and took
me aside with her into a gallery above a hall--though my playmates were
loth to have me go, and ceased their game and stood watching as I was carried
away. 'Come back to us!' they cried. 'Come back to us soon!' I looked up
at her face, but she heeded them not at all. Her face was very gentle and
grave. She took me to a seat in the gallery, and I stood beside her, ready
to look at her book as she opened it upon her knee. The pages fell open.
She pointed, and I looked, marvelling, for in the living pages of that
book I saw myself; it was a story about myself, and in it were all the
things that had happened to me since ever I was born . . . .
"It was wonderful to me, because
the pages of that book were not pictures, you understand, but realities."
Wallace paused gravely--looked
at me doubtfully.
"Go on," I said. "I understand."
"They were realities--yes, they
must have been; people moved and things came and went in them; my dear
mother, whom I had near forgotten; then my father, stern and upright, the
servants, the nursery, all the familiar things of home. Then the front
door and the busy streets, with traffic to and fro: I looked and marvelled,
and looked half doubtfully again into the woman's face and turned the pages
over, skipping this and that, to see more of this book, and more, and so
at last I came to myself hovering and hesitating outside the green door
in the long white wall, and felt again the conflict and the fear.
"'And next?' I cried, and would
have turned on, but the cool hand of the grave woman delayed me.
"'Next?' I insisted, and struggled
gently with her hand, pulling up her fingers with all my childish strength,
and as she yielded and the page came over she bent down upon me like a
shadow and kissed my brow.
"But the page did not show the
enchanted garden, nor the panthers, nor the girl who had led me by the
hand, nor the playfellows who had been so loth to let me go. It showed
a long grey street in West Kensington, on that chill hour of afternoon
before the lamps are lit, and I was there, a wretched little figure, weeping
aloud, for all that I could do to restrain myself, and I was weeping because
I could not return to my dear play-fellows who had called after me, 'Come
back to us! Come back to us soon!' I was there. This was no page in a book,
but harsh reality; that enchanted place and the restraining hand of the
grave mother at whose knee I stood had gone--whither have they gone?"
He halted again, and remained
for a time, staring into the fire.
"Oh! the wretchedness of that
return!" he murmured.
"Well?" I said after a minute
or so.
"Poor little wretch I was--brought
back to this grey world again! As I realised the fulness of what had happened
to me, I gave way to quite ungovernable grief. And the shame and humiliation
of that public weeping and my disgraceful homecoming remain with me still.
I see again the benevolent-looking old gentleman in gold spectacles who
stopped and spoke to me--prodding me first with his umbrella. 'Poor little
chap,' said he; 'and are you lost then?'--and me a London boy of five and
more! And he must needs bring in a kindly young policeman and make a crowd
of me, and so march me home. Sobbing, conspicuous and frightened, I came
from the enchanted garden to the steps of my father's house.
"That is as well as I can remember
my vision of that garden--the garden that haunts me still. Of course, I
can convey nothing of that indescribable quality of translucent unreality,
that difference from the common things of experience that hung about it
all; but that--that is what happened. If it was a dream, I am sure it was
a day-time and altogether extraordinary dream . . . . . . H'm!--naturally
there followed a terrible questioning, by my aunt, my father, the nurse,
the governess--everyone . . . . . .
"I tried to tell them, and my
father gave me my first thrashing for telling lies. When afterwards I tried
to tell my aunt, she punished me again for my wicked persistence. Then,
as I said, everyone was forbidden to listen to me, to hear a word about
it. Even my fairy tale books were taken away from me for a time--because
I was 'too imaginative.' Eh? Yes, they did that! My father belonged to
the old school . . . . . And my story was driven back upon myself. I whispered
it to my pillow--my pillow that was often damp and salt to my whispering
lips with childish tears. And I added always to my official and less fervent
prayers this one heartfelt request: 'Please God I may dream of the garden.
Oh! take me back to my garden! Take me back to my garden!'
"I dreamt often of the garden.
I may have added to it, I may have changed it; I do not know . . . . .
All this you understand is an attempt to reconstruct from fragmentary memories
a very early experience. Between that and the other consecutive memories
of my boyhood there is a gulf. A time came when it seemed impossible I
should ever speak of that wonder glimpse again."
I asked an obvious question.
"No," he said. "I don't remember
that I ever attempted to find my way back to the garden in those early
years. This seems odd to me now, but I think that very probably a closer
watch was kept on my movements after this misadventure to prevent my going
astray. No, it wasn't until you knew me that I tried for the garden again.
And I believe there was a period --incredible as it seems now--when I forgot
the garden altogether--when I was about eight or nine it may have been.
Do you remember me as a kid at Saint Athelstan's?"
"Rather!"
"I didn't show any signs did
I in those days of having a secret dream?"
II
He looked up with a sudden smile.
"Did you ever play North-West
Passage with me? . . . . . No, of course you didn't come my way!"
"It was the sort of game," he
went on, "that every imaginative child plays all day. The idea was the
discovery of a North-West Passage to school. The way to school was plain
enough; the game consisted in finding some way that wasn't plain, starting
off ten minutes early in some almost hopeless direction, and working one's
way round through unaccustomed streets to my goal. And one day I got entangled
among some rather low-class streets on the other side of Campden Hill,
and I began to think that for once the game would be against me and that
I should get to school late. I tried rather desperately a street that seemed
a cul de sac, and found a passage at the end. I hurried through that with
renewed hope. 'I shall do it yet,' I said, and passed a row of frowsy little
shops that were inexplicably familiar to me, and behold! there was my long
white wall and the green door that led to the enchanted garden!
"The thing whacked upon me suddenly.
Then, after all, that garden, that wonderful garden, wasn't a dream!" .
. . .
He paused.
"I suppose my second experience
with the green door marks the world of difference there is between the
busy life of a schoolboy and the infinite leisure of a child. Anyhow, this
second time I didn't for a moment think of going in straight away. You
see . . . For one thing my mind was full of the idea of getting to school
in time--set on not breaking my record for punctuality. I must surely have
felt SOME little desire at least to try the door--yes, I must have felt
that . . . . . But I seem to remember the attraction of the door mainly
as another obstacle to my overmastering determination to get to school.
I was immediately interested by this discovery I had made, of course--I
went on with my mind full of it--but I went on. It didn't check me. I ran
past tugging out my watch, found I had ten minutes still to spare, and
then I was going downhill into familiar surroundings. I got to school,
breathless, it is true, and wet with perspiration, but in time. I
can remember hanging up my coat and hat . . . Went right by it and left
it behind me. Odd, eh?"
He looked at me thoughtfully.
"Of course, I didn't know then that it wouldn't always be there. School
boys have limited imaginations. I suppose I thought it was an awfully jolly
thing to have it there, to know my way back to it, but there was the school
tugging at me. I expect I was a good deal distraught and inattentive that
morning, recalling what I could of the beautiful strange people I should
presently see again. Oddly enough I had no doubt in my mind that they would
be glad to see me . . . Yes, I must have thought of the garden that morning
just as a jolly sort of place to which one might resort in the interludes
of a strenuous scholastic career.
"I didn't go that day at all.
The next day was a half holiday, and that may have weighed with me. Perhaps,
too, my state of inattention brought down impositions upon me and docked
the margin of time necessary for the detour. I don't know. What I do know
is that in the meantime the enchanted garden was so much upon my mind that
I could not keep it to myself.
"I told--What was his name?--a
ferrety-looking youngster we used to call Squiff."
"Young Hopkins," said I.
"Hopkins it was. I did not like
telling him, I had a feeling that in some way it was against the rules
to tell him, but I did. He was walking part of the way home with me; he
was talkative, and if we had not talked about the enchanted garden we should
have talked of something else, and it was intolerable to me to think about
any other subject. So I blabbed.
"Well, he told my secret. The
next day in the play interval I found myself surrounded by half a dozen
bigger boys, half teasing and wholly curious to hear more of the enchanted
garden. There was that big Fawcett--you remember him?--and Carnaby and
Morley Reynolds. You weren't there by any chance? No, I think I should
have remembered if you were . .. . .
"A boy is a creature of odd
feelings. I was, I really believe, in spite of my secret self-disgust,
a little flattered to have the attention of these big fellows. I remember
particularly a moment of pleasure caused by the praise of Crawshaw--you
remember Crawshaw major, the son of Crawshaw the composer?--who said it
was the best lie he had ever heard. But at the same time there was a really
painful undertow of shame at telling what I felt was indeed a sacred secret.
That beast Fawcett made a joke about the girl in green--."
Wallace's voice sank with the
keen memory of that shame. "I pretended not to hear," he said. "Well, then
Carnaby suddenly called me a young liar and disputed with me when I said
the thing was true. I said I knew where to find the green door, could lead
them all there in ten minutes. Carnaby became outrageously virtuous, and
said I'd have to--and bear out my words or suffer. Did you ever have Carnaby
twist your arm? Then perhaps you'll understand how it went with me. I swore
my story was true. There was nobody in the school then to save a chap from
Carnaby though Crawshaw put in a word or so. Carnaby had got his game.
I grew excited and red-eared, and a little frightened, I behaved altogether
like a silly little chap, and the outcome of it all was that instead of
starting alone for my enchanted garden, I led the way presently--cheeks
flushed, ears hot, eyes smarting, and my soul one burning misery and shame--for
a party of six mocking, curious and threatening school-fellows.
"We never found the white wall
and the green door . . ."
"You mean?--"
"I mean I couldn't find it.
I would have found it if I could.
"And afterwards when I could
go alone I couldn't find it. I never found it. I seem now to have been
always looking for it through my school-boy days, but I've never come upon
it again."
"Did the fellows--make it disagreeable?"
"Beastly . . . . . Carnaby held
a council over me for wanton lying. I remember how I sneaked home and upstairs
to hide the marks of my blubbering. But when I cried myself to sleep at
last it wasn't for Carnaby, but for the garden, for the beautiful afternoon
I had hoped for, for the sweet friendly women and the waiting playfellows
and the game I had hoped to learn again, that beautiful forgotten game
. . . . .
"I believed firmly that if I
had not told-- . . . . . I had bad times after that--crying at night and
woolgathering by day. For two terms I slackened and had bad reports. Do
you remember? Of course you would! It was YOU--your beating me in mathematics
that brought me back to the grind again."
III
For a time my friend stared silently
into the red heart of the fire. Then he said: "I never saw it again until
I was seventeen.
"It leapt upon me for the third
time--as I was driving to Paddington on my way to Oxford and a scholarship.
I had just one momentary glimpse. I was leaning over the apron of my hansom
smoking a cigarette, and no doubt thinking myself no end of a man of the
world, and suddenly there was the door, the wall, the dear sense of unforgettable
and still attainable things.
"We clattered by--I too taken
by surprise to stop my cab until we were well past and round a corner.
Then I had a queer moment, a double and divergent movement of my will:
I tapped the little door in the roof of the cab, and brought my arm down
to pull out my watch. 'Yes, sir!' said the cabman, smartly. 'Er-- well--it's
nothing,' I cried. 'MY mistake! We haven't much time! Go on!' and he went
on . . .
"I got my scholarship. And the
night after I was told of that I sat over my fire in my little upper room,
my study, in my father's house, with his praise--his rare praise--and his
sound counsels ringing in my ears, and I smoked my favourite pipe--the
formidable bulldog of adolescence--and thought of that door in the long
white wall. 'If I had stopped,' I thought, 'I should have missed my scholarship,
I should have missed Oxford--muddled all the fine career before me! I begin
to see things better!' I fell musing deeply, but I did not doubt then this
career of mine was a thing that merited sacrifice.
"Those dear friends and that
clear atmosphere seemed very sweet to me, very fine, but remote. My grip
was fixing now upon the world. I saw another door opening--the door of
my career."
He stared again into the fire.
Its red lights picked out a stubborn strength in his face for just one
flickering moment, and then it vanished again.
"Well", he said and sighed,
"I have served that career. I have done--much work, much hard work. But
I have dreamt of the enchanted garden a thousand dreams, and seen its door,
or at least glimpsed its door, four times since then. Yes--four times.
For a while this world was so bright and interesting, seemed so full of
meaning and opportunity that the half-effaced charm of the garden was by
comparison gentle and remote. Who wants to pat panthers on the way to dinner
with pretty women and distinguished men? I came down to London from Oxford,
a man of bold promise that I have done something to redeem. Something--and
yet there have been disappointments . . . . .
"Twice I have been in love--I
will not dwell on that--but once, as I went to someone who, I know, doubted
whether I dared to come, I took a short cut at a venture through an unfrequented
road near Earl's Court, and so happened on a white wall and a familiar
green door. 'Odd!' said I to myself, 'but I thought this place was on Campden
Hill. It's the place I never could find somehow--like counting Stonehenge--the
place of that queer day dream of mine.' And I went by it intent upon my
purpose. It had no appeal to me that afternoon.
"I had just a moment's impulse
to try the door, three steps aside were needed at the most--though I was
sure enough in my heart that it would open to me--and then I thought that
doing so might delay me on the way to that appointment in which I thought
my honour was involved. Afterwards I was sorry for my punctuality--I might
at least have peeped in I thought, and waved a hand to those panthers,
but I knew enough by this time not to seek again belatedly that which is
not found by seeking. Yes, that time made me very sorry . . . . .
"Years of hard work after that
and never a sight of the door. It's only recently it has come back to me.
With it there has come a sense as though some thin tarnish had spread itself
over my world. I began to think of it as a sorrowful and bitter thing that
I should never see that door again. Perhaps I was suffering a little from
overwork--perhaps it was what I've heard spoken of as the feeling of forty.
I don't know. But certainly the keen brightness that makes effort easy
has gone out of things recently, and that just at a time with all these
new political developments --when I ought to be working. Odd, isn't it?
But I do begin to find life toilsome, its rewards, as I come near them,
cheap. I began a little while ago to want the garden quite badly. Yes--and
I've seen it three times."
"The garden?"
"No--the door! And I haven't
gone in!"
He leaned over the table to
me, with an enormous sorrow in his voice as he spoke. "Thrice I have had
my chance--THRICE! If ever that door offers itself to me again, I swore,
I will go in out of this dust and heat, out of this dry glitter of vanity,
out of these toilsome futilities. I will go and never return. This time
I will stay . . . . . I swore it and when the time came-- I DIDN'T GO.
"Three times in one year have
I passed that door and failed to enter. Three times in the last year.
"The first time was on the night
of the snatch division on the Tenants' Redemption Bill, on which the Government
was saved by a majority of three. You remember? No one on our side--perhaps
very few on the opposite side--expected the end that night. Then the debate
collapsed like eggshells. I and Hotchkiss were dining with his cousin at
Brentford, we were both unpaired, and we were called up by telephone, and
set off at once in his cousin's motor. We got in barely in time, and on
the way we passed my wall and door--livid in the moonlight, blotched with
hot yellow as the glare of our lamps lit it, but unmistakable. 'My God!'
cried I. 'What?'said Hotchkiss. 'Nothing!' I answered, and the moment passed.
"'I've made a great sacrifice,'
I told the whip as I got in. 'They all have,' he said, and hurried by.
"I do not see how I could have
done otherwise then. And the next occasion was as I rushed to my father's
bedside to bid that stern old man farewell. Then, too, the claims of life
were imperative. But the third time was different; it happened a week ago.
It fills me with hot remorse to recall it. I was with Gurker and Ralphs--it's
no secret now you know that I've had my talk with Gurker. We had been dining
at Frobisher's, and the talk had become intimate between us. The question
of my place in the reconstructed ministry lay always just over the boundary
of the discussion. Yes --yes. That's all settled. It needn't be talked
about yet, but there's no reason to keep a secret from you . . . . . Yes--thanks!
thanks! But let me tell you my story.
"Then, on that night things
were very much in the air. My position was a very delicate one. I was keenly
anxious to get some definite word from Gurker, but was hampered by Ralphs'
presence. I was using the best power of my brain to keep that light and
careless talk not too obviously directed to the point that concerns me.
I had to. Ralphs' behaviour since has more than justified my caution .
. . . . Ralphs, I knew, would leave us beyond the Kensington High Street,
and then I could surprise Gurker by a sudden frankness. One has sometimes
to resort to these little devices. . . . . And then it was that in the
margin of my field of vision I became aware once more of the white wall,
the green door before us down the road.
"We passed it talking. I passed
it. I can still see the shadow of Gurker's marked profile, his opera hat
tilted forward over his prominent nose, the many folds of his neck wrap
going before my shadow and Ralphs' as we sauntered past.
"I passed within twenty inches
of the door. 'If I say good-night to them, and go in,' I asked myself,
'what will happen?' And I was all a-tingle for that word with Gurker.
"I could not answer that question
in the tangle of my other problems. 'They will think me mad,' I thought.
'And suppose I vanish now!--Amazing disappearance of a prominent politician!'
That weighed with me. A thousand inconceivably petty worldlinesses weighed
with me in that crisis."
Then he turned on me with a
sorrowful smile, and, speaking slowly; "Here I am!" he said.
"Here I am!" he repeated, "and
my chance has gone from me. Three times in one year the door has been offered
me--the door that goes into peace, into delight, into a beauty beyond dreaming,
a kindness no man on earth can know. And I have rejected it, Redmond, and
it has gone--"
"How do you know?"
"I know. I know. I am left now
to work it out, to stick to the tasks that held me so strongly when my
moments came. You say, I have success--this vulgar, tawdry, irksome, envied
thing. I have it." He had a walnut in his big hand. "If that was my success,"
he said, and crushed it, and held it out for me to see.
"Let me tell you something,
Redmond. This loss is destroying me. For two months, for ten weeks
nearly now, I have done no work at all, except the most necessary and urgent
duties. My soul is full of inappeasable regrets. At nights--when it is
less likely I shall be recognised--I go out. I wander. Yes. I wonder what
people would think of that if they knew. A Cabinet Minister, the responsible
head of that most vital of all departments, wandering alone--grieving--sometimes
near audibly lamenting--for a door, for a garden!"
IV
I can see now his rather pallid
face, and the unfamiliar sombre fire that had come into his eyes. I see
him very vividly to-night. I sit recalling his words, his tones, and last
evening's Westminster Gazette still lies on my sofa, containing the notice
of his death. At lunch to-day the club was busy with him and the strange
riddle of his fate.
They found his body very early
yesterday morning in a deep excavation near East Kensington Station. It
is one of two shafts that have been made in connection with an extension
of the railway southward. It is protected from the intrusion of the public
by a hoarding upon the high road, in which a small doorway has been cut
for the convenience of some of the workmen who live in that direction.
The doorway was left unfastened through a misunderstanding between two
gangers, and through it he made his way . . . . .
My mind is darkened with questions
and riddles.
It would seem he walked all
the way from the House that night--he has frequently walked home during
the past Session--and so it is I figure his dark form coming along the
late and empty streets, wrapped up, intent. And then did the pale electric
lights near the station cheat the rough planking into a semblance of white?
Did that fatal unfastened door awaken some memory?
Was there, after all, ever any
green door in the wall at all?
I do not know. I have told his
story as he told it to me. There are times when I believe that Wallace
was no more than the victim of the coincidence between a rare but not unprecedented
type of hallucination and a careless trap, but that indeed is not my profoundest
belief. You may think me superstitious if you will, and foolish; but, indeed,
I am more than half convinced that he had in truth, an abnormal gift, and
a sense, something--I know not what--that in the guise of wall and door
offered him an outlet, a secret and peculiar passage of escape into another
and altogether more beautiful world. At any rate, you will say, it betrayed
him in the end. But did it betray him? There you touch the inmost mystery
of these dreamers, these men of vision and the imagination.
We see our world fair and common,
the hoarding and the pit. By our daylight standard he walked out of security
into darkness, danger and death. But did he see like that?
-The End-
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